Day 1

Well, it's more like day 137 since I began trying to put off weight. I had always weighed in at the height of 5'9" and a healthy weight of 150lbs. My life turned around after an injury that kept me off my feet for two months and then a job at a summer camp where in order to feed hundreds of people a night our meals were mostly composed of bread, pasta and potatoes. In august, after returning home, I weighed in at 197. In tears I asked my half-marathon-running-super-fit-size 2-mom for help. Every portion ended up being a battle for me. I was humiliated that she was telling me that I was eating too much or not exercising properly. Nevertheless I lost 10 lbs by December before leaving for a vacation. I soon fluctuated from 187 to 200 with laziness and cheating.

My mom asked to way me yesterday and I rapidly explained that I'd do better, that I'd put on weight since the vacation and could out it off. I nearly begged her to give me until sunday and she accepted. I've been excersising and working hard but still find myself cheating. I need to lose this weight. My mother, though supportive, is very judgmental and controlling. I don't want her disappointed in me. I do not want her to know my weight. While I sound like a coward, I am. It embarrasses me to no end.

In order to stop cheating, I'm writing down each shameful bite I take every day. Starting yesterday.

1 mug of coffee, 1 grapefruit, 1 allbran bar, one taco (softshell, homemade), one orange, one salad (iceberg lettuce and balsamic vinegar with olive oil), another orange, one yogurt, one cup of rice, one cup of beans, one fillet of bassa fish, one celeri stick and yet another orange.

 Physical activity: 1 hour of swimming laps.

Today: It's onyl lunchtime but I don't really plan to eat anything else today, I had a HUGE lunch and won't be home until 9pm

1 mug of coffee, one bagel, one hard-boiled egg, one tuna sandwich, one all-bran bar, one cup of carrots, one orange, one cheese scone and one large carton of chocolate milk

My day is so packed that I won't have time for physical activity but I'll do my nightly excersies which I'll make a video for.

When I cheat or overeat, I feel dirty and can literally feel the weight of my fat on my body. I'll remember this every time I pass by my school cafeteria or the fridge. I've eaten the calories of three meals already I won't eat anything else over the course of the day but will keep drinking water and tea to keep my metabolism going.